I was listening to this wonderful song, “Sorry” by Chris Daughtry. Yeah, last season’s American Idol winner supposed to be, at least for me. See that Vin Diesel look that he got? Ok, enough of that. It’s not that I’m into him.

A few lines actually caught me ears. They somewhat to me like some sort lovely pleading from someone who realized how much he had been so wrong all these times and wanted to make up to whatever shit he have done in the past.

“When I say I’m sorry will you believe me?”

“If I tell you I’ve been cleaning my soul and if I promise you I’ll regain control will you open the door and let me in?”

“Take me for what I am and not who I’ve been?”

Have you ever been in the situation where you were terribly sorry for what you’ve done? To be honest, I never. What I mean was to be really really sorry and the not for the sake of God have told you that you must be responsible for what you’ve done. I’ve not. There’s not even a single thing in life that I’ve done that I completely feel sorry for. You know that kind of sorry that make you want to kill yourself, if I may say and you really feel bad that you did it until to the point that you feel like why on earth that your mom gave birth to a dirty, motherfucking ass-hole, ass-wipe, lunatic smashing pumpkin moron like you? I never, fullstop! That’s a DOT to it.

In fact to be honest, I don’t even need an apology for somebody who have hurt me in the past, won’t be in the presence and what more to say in the future. You might be wondering what kind of shit that I’m talking about here. The point is, I just don’t fucking care anymore. Ok, now at least you know that I’m actually upset. Why? I DON’T KNOW.

Maybe I should make a list of the things that I’ve done, bad ones of course and look at it and tell myself “Look, this is what you’ve done”. that might somewhat sounds like what Earl did, if you got what I mean, but would all that shit supposed to make me feel happy after I do some good deeds in return? I’m not! But I make myself clearly heard here that it will make others happy. Good for you, eventhough I didn’t mean to make you happy.

What the hell am I saying here? I thought I was supposed to talk about the song, well forget that. I think I’m more interested in talking about stuffs other than that. I started to sound like when i was working. I will have this tonnes of anger that will burst at any given time in my writings. I can’t believe that working actually turn me into some freaking jack-ass who can’t get enough by getting pissed by stupid secretaries and bitchy PA’s during working hours that I end up bitching and try to clear up my thoughts by posting some disorderly, toungue-twisted diabolique piece of crap. What is that? I don’t know.

You know, I always try to believe that life was perfect by nature, well it is actually because God created it that way, the perfect way that he want it. I don’t question Him over this matter but what I’m saying is, there’s this some sort of moles in the community that always try their very best to bring displeasure to your never-ending hope of getting a perfect life, you know stuffs like having your sweet sleep or maybe for some the best time to hump, they just picked the right time to play firecrackers! For God sake Chinese New Year was like almost a month ago. Hello! Where did you go to school? Fucking bastards never really listen. If asked then  you would tell me the sacredly most told stories that, we’re trying to have a little bit of pleasure by seeing lovely foreworks. Yes, it’s lovely but not on this day! You freaking ass-hole!

That was actually not the main cause that I’m writing this. I don’t really know what the hell made me feel so fucking uncomfortable. Sometimes I just felt like being played, cheated .. here it goes again. I’m not going to write about that. I Think I need anger management classes. I’m under stress .. lots of it. Fuh ..

Can I call you when I’m sober?
I hate you, but I somehow really need you ..