I’ve not been having enough sleep recently. The after effect, I made a lot of silly mistakes at work and somehow that mistakes have doubled my work. I hate ECs! If it’s just doing EC I’m fine but the reason for ECs? What am I supposed to say? I lost my concentration? I was still on hangover? – FYI, last night I went out with Dasvydania till 12 a.m and then continued a marathon of “Yoo Hee Ma nae!” until 3 a.m. It doesn’t help that my dad wake me up at 6:30 a.m!

I was a little bit disturbed today. I know it’s very akward that I was doing a reflection on what had happened in the past during working hours but somehow I just can’t help it. Have you ever felt like something is just missing in your daily life? Like asking yourself why it’s not there anymore or when will it come again and it’s like that moment that you’re waiting anxiously for that moment to happen. Am I making sense? I know I’m bad at making things straight and I think for the very reason that I don’t want to admit that I actually missed some particular moment.

Every little things that was said, every little thing that you do maybe not physically do for some. What I meant was like every msn or yahoo conversations that you have, every sms you’ve sent you know those small small stuffs that you used to do but then you don’t do it anymore because for some not so apparent reason. Ok maybe there was an apparent reason but I just don’t want to admit it. You know, stuffs like misunderstandings along the way, arguments and disagreements – call it what you will as long as you got what I’m trying to say.

It actually got me thinking that why I sometimes can be so selfish that I want things to happen just like the way I want it to be and stuffs like that ; like blaming others for what I failed to do and maybe for the reason that I believed that the other person was not trying hard enough to understand me. I asked myself back then did I ever try to understand that person? How does the other person feel? Does it take my pride away if I just say sorry and admit that I was wrong and should’ve just tolerate with it? And for that particular reason actually I was mad, easily disturbed and all this PMS effect around me.

What I’m trying to say is that, when I’m back to my senses – doesn’t mean I was insane all these while, I somehow think that ;

“Yeah, she’s probably right”

The hardest part is to admit that I was wrong and what she said make sense. Maybe I am trying very hard to be someone I’m not. For that I think I should say I’m sorry.

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