And so this is Christmas … Well, almost. It’s a little too early to say. Advent just started and it’s like only the 2nd day of Advent. I remember that it was about this time last year somebody told me ; “It’s over, at least for now. You deserves someone better“. The same goes the year before and I guess the same goes for this year too. Oh, well whatever … Nevermind. I’m still trying to get use to it.

A few years back I will be singing “I won’t Be Home For Christmas” but now that I’m home I won’t be singing the same old song. It could be “Running Roung The Christmas Tree” or maybe “Jingle Bell Rocks” but “I Had A Blue Christmas Without You” will be a hit and “Christmas With You” is very much farfetched. *sigh*

I used to be looking forward to Christmas every single day of my childhood years. back then I have fewer things to worry about because the elders will have to worry about it more. So, life was a little easier and the only thing that I worry about is presents, presents and more presents. Will I get a lot? I guess everyone is very much like that in a way. So, I am not alone hopefully.

Now, as I get older things changed. I no longer look forward for Christmas. It’s just like any other day of the year. I just wished that I could just close my eyes and go numb. This pressing new frontier is killing me softly and it’s something that I just can’t adhere.

Then they’ll say “Life will get better” or something like “It can’t rain all the time“. Agreed, I don’t deny that but the fact that I’ve been hearing too much of that doesn’t really make me feel better. It’s like being high on dope, I need a higher dosage and I need something that can take me to another level of numbness. My perfectly insane life needs to come to an end. This fucking life is killing me inside.

What an entry to welcome the first week of advent …

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