I was having this conversation with a very good friend of mine.
Bongkersz : ee kiutnya who is that?
cibol : my cousin
cibol : meet sherlynn dannieyra
cibol : ha ha ha
cibol : omos 2 years old la
Bongkersz : wat a name! ask her wait for me
Bongkersz : hahahaha
cibol : ya
cibol : very cute
Bongkersz : cute
cibol : the father kanasai. me more hensom but the baby dem cute
cibol : ha ha ha
cibol : the parents younger then me
Bongkersz : owh? haha
cibol : ya la
Bongkersz : i want have mine oso. kids
cibol : ha ha ha
Bongkersz : kids so cute
Bongkersz : ahahaha
cibol : i told that to quite number of people – i want kids, their answer – I’m crazy
cibol : How could they don’t like kids?
cibol : ha ha ha
Bongkersz : they are dumb and selfish
cibol : anak itu pengikat silaturahim
cibol : wahahaha
Bongkersz : they are selfish. and bodoh. kids supposed to be a blessing not a burden. only if they realise their parents never think that way before having them
Bongkersz : if i married i will want anak fast
Bongkersz : if bini dun want i find other bini. serious
Bongkersz : after all we are here to procreate. hahahahahahahaa
cibol : true true
cibol : the faster the better
cibol : we are not getting younger
Bongkersz : stop giving me excuses like not yet time… no money.. nobody take care…
Bongkersz : yeah faster dude
cibol : money can find, anak .. if late by one year can suffer consequences
cibol : ha ha ha
Bongkersz : wah we same wavelength!! haha
It’s kinda sad when to think about it. There are people who actually said back to me,
“You think having kids very easy meh?”
“Why should I? Enjoy life mar .. I’m still so young”
“Eeeii … later I grow fat liw”
Of course it’s not easy but imagine if your parents when they were about to have you said of the same thing and suddenly change their mind not to have you? So, how? You will not be here, reading this isn’t it? Same goes with people who think that children are like a burden.
I don’t deny that financially stable is a keyword here la but if to wait until you don’t have any hutang ah, you pencen also you kenot have babies la lidat? Aiyo .. I just compiled something here la.
Famous reason for not having a baby yet
1. No money
2. I’m still very young
3. No time – If got baby kenot jalan-jalan and play liw
4. Nobody jaga
5. I don’t want to grow fat
Famous Reason for me wanting to have babies – Fast!
1. I’m not getting younger – I don’t want to have my first child when I’m 30+
2. I like kids
3. When I retire, my kids work already and I don’t need to scratch my head to find money
4. Kids are blessings, not a burden.
5. When I retire, I can goyang kaki and they all jia me!
cibol : ya la
cibol : think about it
cibol : when u pencen, ur kid still in uni .. suffer ler
Bongkersz : if only u a gal dude,.. and pretty a bit haha
cibol : even my dad ah, kawen at the age 24 still my sis when he pencen next time in uni
cibol : but it’s ok because me and my 2nd sis work aredi
cibol : imagine if u kawen lambat and happen also case lidat .. mati dude
cibol : pencen where enuff
cibol : then u kenot relax liw
cibol : if i am a gal ah? .. ha ha ha .. cibei
P/S : I wanna take out the part where he actually said – If only you’re a girl and pretty a bit. Kanneh! Sounded so wrong there …
A Life Less Ordinary 
January 5, 2008 at 11:32 PM
I think I would be the selfish one in your description, haha~
I don’t see myself to be a dad, hahaha~~ kanasai.
January 6, 2008 at 12:27 AM
Haha..if u were a gal,bong wudve proposed to u then and there..bt 1 thing i wna point out..if d bini x ready to hv baby,dont be selfish n force her or find sum1 else to make u 1..cos guys only hv to do it n their part is done whereas d girls r d 1s who spend d nxt 9mths carrying d baby inside them!not to mention morning sicKness n all the hormonal n physical changes during pregnancy.n labour pains sum more! Dont get me wrong,i like kids n wud like my own 1 day..just a reminder to u guys,wen she’s not ready,she’s x ready lah..n anthr thing,baby after marriage n x d othr way round k?hehe..
January 6, 2008 at 12:33 AM
Sean : No comment on that. But maybe you should think about it
mar : What we were talking about was – Don’t want, not “I’m not ready”. Then find another one who wants la. That was what he meant.
The not ready for a good reason is ok, but for those who gave you reason like – I’m still young, no time and whatever shit – That’s pure NONSENSE. I am aware of the fact that psychologically she must be ready and we do understand that.
But then here we go again – the WE CARRY THE BABY for 9 MONTHS evergreen phrase. I mean, it was meant to be that way and if we can choose to labour for you then we labour la. Pffftttt ….
Of course It would be preferably after marriage but then which way or another if things turned out the other way, I’d be equally happy too. Like I said, it’s a blessing. You can’t just ditch em if they’re born outside, can’t you?
January 6, 2008 at 1:13 AM
mar, if she loves me, i love her, then sure we will want babies. if not what for? and, i really not comfortable with people (especially girls) saying they need to carry the baby for 9 months bla, labour painful, hormonal changes and what shits.. bla bla bla bla bla.. like we guys can do anything about that???! It is destined to be like that, that is the way things work. We didn’t choose to be guy neither you choose to be a girl. Heck, If I can do it myself I will not ask my wife to carry the baby lah. That said, I admire the all the great mothers in this world for that.
And, who implies we will ‘force’ our future spouse to do it? To have babies? I think me and cibol just saying we love babies, that’s all. And of course, common sense any loving husband will wait till his wife is ready to have a baby, why you think otherwise?
And please.. what with ‘the guys only need to do it and their part is done?’ let’s not go there, but we all have our roles to play, to say we only need do it and then our job is done is insulting.
January 6, 2008 at 2:51 AM
wow.. interesting conversation b’tween cibol and bong.. i always find guys who love kids attractive.
yups, people who love kids and who wish to have their own one day will never fathom why there are people who doesn’t want to have kids..
there are people who think that having kids are too expensive, or the jealous husband couldn’t stand watching his wife giving more attention to the kids than to him, therefore one of them doesn’t want to have any, and no matter how much they give reasons, its still difficult, or simply impossible to accept their justification.
Ok la, it may sound very selfish to not want babies because of the following reasons you listed. For the fun of it, i’ll try to explain each one in more details.. given that the couple doesn’t want to have a baby YET.
Famous reason for not having a baby yet
1. No money
No money? or is it because you can’t sacrifice your obsession of purchasing the latest gadgets? or holidays.. for raising a child? You can’t be having no money.. if you work, surely you must have thought of having that money to be spent on something else, rather than raising a child.. as raising a child requires a lot of money, no doubt. If you really really don’t have the money, nevermind, save up.. when the time comes, try for a baby. Hopefully not too late, but nowadays i hear happy stories of 40 year olds bearing a child.. That’s such a great thing. So ladies, don’t despair because you can still have a child at a late age.
2. I’m still very young
Haha.. boy oh boy.. YES!! Having a child will change your life significantly.. and when you’re young, you cherishes freedom, the freedom to explore, the freedom to dream and to travel to places you’ve always wanted to go. After marriage, and having a child, perhaps you have to sacrifice these dreams to take care of the baby. Babies needs LOTS of attention, and if you’re still young and there are so much you want to do, why not have babies later, see the world, grow up and when you’re ready, go receive that blessing of having a child. It’s not selfish.
3. No time – If got baby kenot jalan-jalan and play liw
If you think like this, you’re not wrong. You’re just not ready to settle down and be responsible for a family, yet. Because raising a family takes commitment, time and sacrifice. This is not selfish, but one day, as we grow up, we learn to take responsible and do what we must do, and know how to sacrifice and prioritise for the greater things in life.
4. Nobody jaga
You’ve probably heard of baby sitter, or maid? You’ll find a way, don’t worry. Husband and wife will work things out. 😉
5. I don’t want to grow fat
I guess gals have blessed with so many things. As nature would have it, it is only the female can bear a child, and give birth. That’s a blessing. No other gender.. no male can having that opportunity, that gift to bear a child no matter how hard they cry. Despite the labour pains and the post labour symptoms such as weight gain, growing out of shape etc, i would believe that the joy and happiness of having your own kids outweigh the worries of collecting a few miserable kilos in your body. Unless.. you’re that bimbo-tic. Anyway, gals are gals, and gals are naturally vain. Well, who says that mama can’t be hot??
January 6, 2008 at 3:11 AM
Hey, seems heated.
Was trying to understand what’s going on.. and.. you know, i realise..
from the conversation, it seems that the main point is about having kids FAST..
“money can find, anak .. if late by one year can suffer consequences”
LOL.. i guess Mar thought the same as i did.. which from the conversation, you guys focused more on having kids fast, not so much of talking about how selfish some people are not wanting kids.
as labour pain is no joke, if you guys wanna have kids fast, you’ll should also think about whether your wife is ready or not.. ready to carry that weight on her body..
January 6, 2008 at 5:09 AM
i will think if i am getting married in future my partner will be about around the same age with me, which as a woman, she should be more worry about getting a child at older age, as her biological clock is ticking fast, there will be more complications, and harder to conceive. just looking from the scientific point of view, female after 30, there are significant risks for them to have baby, so she better be ready asap. i am not talking about having a wife 10 years younger, then she can wait as long as she wants.
girls, biologically.. you are ready when you get pass puberty, ok? just it is normal for people to marry late nowadays, so you have all this ‘too young’, ‘not the right time yet’ ‘not ready yet’.
January 6, 2008 at 9:08 AM
Kids rock, no matter what anyone says. I Think I’ve never laughed or smiled so much in my entire life if not because of children although I don’t even have one at the moment. We will certainly don’t have the night (drunk) life like we used to or maybe if there is it would be less, but what I know is that we will certainly feel better about ourselves and the world. The coolest part is how close it brings your family together (husband/wife, parents, siblings).
And then you have some people’s opinion – party like a rock star until your late 30s, and then only you have kids. I prefer to party with my kids and I’d like to retire at 50, shortly after they leave. Like I said, economically it’s more rewarding that way because you see, things are getting more expensive these days and the ability to spend is not much better. That is if you want to talk about it in that perspective.
And about the readiness of your partner to have kids that’s another thing to look into. I mean I didn’t say that by hook or by crook she will have to “produce” me one. I have to be honest with you that some parts of our conversations can’t be singled out literally. You know, stuffs like when we said
“If she don’t want to have babies, I’ll find a new mommy”
That’s a joke. Please don’t take that seriously but in other word we do take this matter seriously – Having babies.
Still, I stick to – I want to have them before I reach 30 and I agree with Bongkersz that if that’s the case I’d prefer someone who would be more or less my age because of the biological thingy but then we never know because this is a part and parcel of life that you can plan but in the end like they said, “God willing”.
January 6, 2008 at 2:43 PM
You getting married within this year, cibol? hehe your latest entries seems to be revolving around children.. I like children too, especially babies – but guess it’s not my time yet .. belum ada jodoh laa.. and money is really a big problem in this case, you’ll still need enough money to take care of yourself and the baby la … lagipun, as you said, God willing juga kan …
January 6, 2008 at 5:08 PM
fuyoo… all the long winded comments…
blame me though, no matter how cute kids are, all i can do were just to say “ooo how cute!” I’d want relationships with them, say my siblings’ kids. but me? i dunno… i don’t think i’m actually cut out to be a dad or sth, i dun really get along with them… nada nada… 😦
January 6, 2008 at 7:08 PM
haha..i want kids too!!
but seriously, you need to be financially stable to have kids…u wont want them to starve! kekeke…
January 6, 2008 at 7:49 PM
Wow…baby is cute and adorable! And it’s hard to find guys who loves to have children around them. Some finds it very annoying coz you know lah kids kan, always making noise and sometimes uncontrollable. Whatever it is, I think both husband and wife should be 100% ready to have the little ones in their life 😉
January 6, 2008 at 8:04 PM
-MB- : Isn’t that a little too fast? 😉 But who knows, I might say maybe not this year today but the person up there might have different ideas. Who knows he might just drop down an angel in my lap, we never know. Jodoh … Sometimes we have to work for it. It doesn’t come by itself although some might think they will but I will not entirely agree. Noting is free in this world. 😉
ahBONG : In your case I guess your a little bit too young to think about just yet. Maybe think is not the right word. Perhaps when you get a little older you’ll understand. 😉 Yeah, we love kids. Who doesn’t?
Lynnwei : Financially stable is like I said – The keyword. Of course we don’t want the little ones to starve but what we were talking about was there are people who are just using that as an excuse. It’s not that they really really can’t afford it it’s just they don’t want to or one of them don’t want to which is usually the case.
Man-D : So, when is yours? When can I be Uncle cibol?
January 6, 2008 at 9:33 PM
hehe cibol, we do have to work on the jodoh thing sometimes… too fast? It’s only the 6th day of 2008 today, if it’ll be on 31st Dec 2008, still we call it this year right?hehe .. wish you luck! and you want to be Uncle cibol to Mandy’s baby (s)? Get her to get a nice guy for herself first la .. she’s been telling everyone that she’s single .. hehe
Mandy: r u one of those that finds kids to be noisy and uncontrollable? LOL sometimes the readiness of being parents can come later – as long as financially stabled – should be good enough la … if want to enjoy forever.. sampai bila pun nda ready hehehe
January 6, 2008 at 9:55 PM
Don’t wait too long to have :). No need to have too much money. Kids do not eat too much :). Find a woman who can share the good and the bad. Single people think when they want to have kids mean they can have one. You know nowsaday the infertility rate is very high, esp. in Malaysia, I think due to pollutions and stress.
January 7, 2008 at 7:21 AM
-MB- : 😉 Still it’s within a year bah and I think it’s a bit too fast but like they said “Kita hanya merancang Tuhan yang menentukan”, so we never know. 😉
I’m sure Man-D will make a good mommy. Kan Man-D kan?
Jamy – seaykopitiam : I must say I agree with you Jamy. Like my parents also, when they had me, they just started working and you can imagine the pay as a temporary teacher back in 1982. 😉 Still, here I am.
January 7, 2008 at 9:00 AM
LOL cibol … when I read your comment with the bah there, I quickly scanned my previous comment and realised my Sabahan twang came out here too – it was for mandy, but still… LOL .. yes, I’m sure Mandy will be a good mommy too hehe..
That part where you said “Kita hanya merancang Tuhan yang menentukan” – very well said indeed.
January 7, 2008 at 2:07 PM
First, the baby really cute !
Second, both of you very young only le.. so fast think on baby liao ? People said marriage is jail.. Hahaha..
January 7, 2008 at 3:37 PM
i want kids but no one wants me huhuhu…
eh, apahal mun mok anak, kita mesti kawin ah? sik bolehkah single guys adopt anak orang? no fair man, i think i can become both mum and dad at tha same time, provided i wanna adopt MALE kids onli la.
January 7, 2008 at 7:45 PM
-MB- : LOL It’s ok. Kita serumpun. We all pun use bah in our conversation but not as frequent as you guys la. Ok bah tu .. 😉
keeyit : Oh, don’t be fooled by the picture. That picture was taken from flickr. 😉 The baby that we were talking about was in the previous post. 😉 Baby Dannieyra, the Little Princess.
beemergayclub : Ya, was thinking about that too. Read my post on being a single parent. 😉 I think it’s kinda cool. Me and ma boy playing basketball together, playing in the park. I just love em. Kids, they say the darnest things too.
January 7, 2008 at 11:22 PM
“If only you’re a girl and pretty a bit. ”
i dont quite get this part ler.. but i love kids a lot, especially toddlers!! but hor, when think about they grow about and become nasty teenager..yeeekk!!!
January 8, 2008 at 12:09 AM
cbenc21 : We got you confused eh? It means, we’re alike, so if I’m a girl, he’d marry me. Something like that. 😉
January 8, 2008 at 12:34 AM
how come got ppl dont want kids?? isnt the purpose to get married is to have kids?? ahaha…
January 8, 2008 at 7:19 AM
Lynnwei : You ask them lor. If you find one, knock their head, okay?
January 9, 2008 at 12:39 AM
Guys, especially Bong, SORRY if I insulted anybody…not my intention…I guess what I was trying to say was “give girls a break if they’re not ready”…but then this post is about want/don’t want and not about ready/not ready…so my comment was out of place, so drop it…again sorry…I love kids. I love guys. No hard feelings… 😀
January 9, 2008 at 7:18 AM
mar : We love kids too. 😉 Chill!
January 9, 2008 at 1:35 PM
noted 🙂
January 10, 2008 at 9:14 PM
Weii Cibol & MB, talking about me being a great mommy huh?
And MB, what’s with the announcement of me being single huh? —> if want to enjoy forever.. sampai bila pun nda ready <— U got me wrong there dear…well, no need for me to explain further…
January 10, 2008 at 9:59 PM
Man-D: That’s a compliment eh. 🙂 We’re talking good things about you behind your back so it’s ok mah ..
-MB- : Looks like Man-D is going towards the wedding march