A Life Less Ordinary

Something I grabbed from the net. It’s kinda hard uh? Life is not always easy

 니 안에 살고 싶어

I came across this wonderful phrase while doing my daily reflections before I went to bed yesterday. Maybe because I just can’t sleep. Something have been bothering me a lot and really make me wonder where I really stand in this big big world. I’m currently lost. You know that feeling like :

Hurt, lost, left out in the dark, kicked when you’re down, on the edge of breaking down …

Alone, with no one you can seek help from.

Abide whatever happens ..

“All Or Nothing”

What a concept. In life there are to things that matter the most I guess. I mean at least for me. It’s either ALL or NOTHING at all. Yup, I know, I got this from the tv series. What the heck! What I meant was, if you have something to give, give it ALL but if you don’t have anything to offer, might as well don’t give anything at all and that is nothing. So I come to conclusion, if you have nothing to offer, might as well don’t give it any HOPE as well.

Cheers,

Cibol

P/S : Catch “Fireworks” every Monday – Friday, 9:30 PM on NTV7

“kkot cheul deul gosuh hwal jjak uh seu myoh. Areumda unni nun sokae nal dam ah bogoshipo!”

For those who have been sending me sms, I’d say thank you very very much. I think I got a lot of people misleaded because of the “Smack The Bitch Up!” post. Thank you for your kind and heartwarming smses. But I feel funny. Guys, I am OK. I’m doing fine, nothing bad happen. It was just something that suddenly came out from my mind and I thought it’s a cool idea to be discussed. It’s not that I’m breaking up with someone or whatsoever thing that you guys have in your head.

Amongst those smses I think Ken’s sms was the funniest :

Ken : Hey, wassup bro? Read your latest post. It’s ok bro. I understand how you feel. By the way, you can always talk to me if you need someone to talk to.

Ken, you make me sound like a freakin gay!

Bongkersz was the first one to sms me. Dude, thaks for that.

I hope I made myself clear that nothing happened during the writing of that post, not even the tiny little ant was harm. I’m ok .. I repeat I’m Ok!

Just a few updates on what’s currently happening. I’ll be attending a few interviews next week. This time around in Bintulu. That would be on the 30th and another one would be the examination for PTD on the 2nd February. I tell you, when I received the letter I dropped my jaw down to the floor. The exam schedule was damn packed man. Fucking ridiculous! But I’ll just try my luck anyway. Who knows one day I’ll be the district officer in your area. Ha ha ha .. That’s all for now folks.

Cheers,

Cibol

I’m suffering from the “I’m fucking angry but  can’t say a fucking thing syndrome“. It’s just that I don’t have that right to be angry, I don’t have the power even to feel angry but I am angry. It sounded wierd, but it’s true. I’m frustrated for no reason, beaten down dead, fucked up and .. wahhhhh .. enough said. Shit, this is like a diary post! Save it for next time when I am in a more secure mode, if you got what I mean. Fuck That’s it, I’m out of here!

Famous quotes that makes you just want to kill that person who says it :

“I’m sorry; I want to concentrate fully on my studies”

“You deserve somebody who is better. I’m just not the one for you”

“I just can’t see that we have a future together”

It just make you want to lift up your middle finger high to the sky and say :

“Fuck You Bitch!”

Date: Saturday, 20 January, 2007 10:25 AM

Subject: Songs of Praise

Message: Bored? Good. If you’ve been looking for Christian worship songs on the internet and can’t seem to find any, then I recommend this site

http://songsofpraise.org/

p/s: No, this is not one of those crazy/stupid chain-letters where you get a can of whoop-ass unleashed upon you if you don’t send this to as many people as you can. It’s just one of those things that I feel guilty keeping to myself.

In His service,
Pete.

Spot on Pete, I hate forwards!

“Kill em All!”

Cheers,

Cibol

I had an interesting conversation with mom the other day. Compared to my dad, topics that I discussed with her is much more on the softer side of a guy. I think you got what I mean. I just don’t think that my dad would be a suitable person to talk about lovey dovey stuffs or even about my personal stuffs. He’s a very annoying person.

I was helping her in the kitchen, preparing dinner :

“Is it possible to fall in love with or have a love relationship with two different people at the same time?”

“I guess it is possible”

“Why you say so?”

“I’m not an expert or somebody who have vast of experience in these sorts of thing but for me personally when it comes to loving somebody there can’t be only one answer to it. I mean why not possible? Okay, in some aspect people might see that it is wrong to do so but you can’t lie to yourself and tell yourself that you’re not feeling that. You got what I mean?”

“Not really, it’s wrong but you still can have it? I mean still can have that feeling is that what you mean?”

“Well, sort of. It is still love in a sense. Even a failed relationship is still considered love and same goes to the successful one just that it is a different kind of love. Love can’t be only one. That’s how I personally feel”

“Wah .. You talk like the angel of love la ma!”

She gave me a smile ..

“Look who’s talking”

“I will never talk to dad about something like this you know”

“I bet you won’t”

“He’s one of the most freaking annoying living creatures in this world. I wonder why you marry him in the first place. If I’m you, I would certainly not marry that kind of person”

“Like I said, the answer to love is not one”

Mom got me there …

Guess what? When I woke uo today I saw my dad watching Super Sport and It’s tennis!! WTF!! He never watch tennis before and never did he like it. It was the Australian Open. Maria Sharapova v Camille Pin. So, out of curiousity I asked him :

“Eh, why watch tennis la? I thought you never like tennis”

“Just feel like watching”

I just let him be. I went up and took my bath.

After 2 hours ..

“Still watching ah? I want to watch the breakfast show la”

“I want to watch this. Gimme a break la”

I gave him a grin ..

“You’re enjoying tennis or you’re enjoying Sharapova?”

No reply …

I knew it ..

I’m in a state of confusion over some matters. Sometimes I just feel that if only I would just can turn back time, change what I did wrong maybe it’ll be a different story. There are so many things that I should’ve said but didn’t, there’s just so many things that I should’ve done but I didn’t .. so many things to do yet so little time or is it just that I’ve been neglecting all these things all these time.

Would it be the same if I’d been first? ..

Am I too late?

Am I aware?

Am I losing it?

Am I not good?

I’m feeling lost …

Am I too late?

Cibol

I was having a descent conversation with my dad yesterday after dinner. It’s been a while since we last had our long hours chat about everything and nothing at the same time. I think it’s about time that we put our differences aside and just chat like we used to do last time, like we used to, like friends.

“So, what’s in for 2007?”

“You tell me what’s in for me”

“You didn’t carve any resolutions for this year?”

“I did. A lot actually. Time will tell wether it will go on smoothly or not”

He gave me a funny look ..

“Why is that?”

“I’m still unemployed. No work, no money no talk ma .. ”

“You sounds like you’re so frustrated. So not like you. Why? Giving up?”

“No la. It’s really hard to land a job here eh .. Not much”

It’s actually very true indeed. Here job opportunities doesn’t come easy. That’s why people here don’t change job everytime like in KL. In KL you can go job hopping every year. There’s a massive amount of opportunities, depends on if you want to do it or not.

“It’s true, I mean compared to KL here is very much limited but think about the risk that you have to take. In terms of expenses, you have to pay for rent, transportation and food not to mention your shopping and jalan-jalan”

I gave him a smile

“Yea .. true also. Guess better off here for a start”

Life in KL was not to say not great but the money is great also. I mean in terms of how much you have to fork out every freaking day. My house rent last time was RM 215, transportation will take at least RM 100 monthly, my sister’s monthly allowence RM 100. That’s like half of my salary is gone. Owh ya .. food and leisure is not yet counted. How la? Die lor ..

“Remember to pass me your resume tomorrow. The one I asked you to send out”

“I already did la. It’s in your bag”

My dad has been trying to keep me in Bintulu. He said :

“I want the whole family to be based in Bintulu. I want all of my children to work here”

I don’t really like the idea but bagi muka la ..

Then out of a sudden ..

“How many girlfriend have you had?”

“What’s that for?”

“Just asking”

“Much more than yours for sure”

“How sure are you? I’m quite popular in college you know”

That statement tickled me badly that I burst into laughter.

“You’re funny. Come on, stop all that bullshit la”

“Really .. I’m not bullshitting you eh”

“Yearr rite .. Like mom never told me about you”

“She’s just being jealous”

“Wait till I tell mom”

“Tell la ..”

Dad gave me his wicked smile. The I said :

“Eh .. I’m quite popular too in school eh. Don’t underestimate me”

“I know, your PK HEM told me last time”

“Wah .. she told you ah? Shit .. I know she will start with this ”

Last time we got this discipline teacher which we kinda hate, besides Rambo. She’s a fuckin bitch! Being a regular guest to her office I quite know how the procedure will go. She will always start with this sentence :

“Archibald, now you’re so famous. Everyone is talking about you. You’re just like a superstar”

It’s sarcastic. I really hate her for that. Plus she got this policy of having kids every freaking year. I never met anyone who is so into “menyahut seruan kerajaan menambahkan bilangan penduduk Malaysia“.

Ok back to the conversation

“Yup. She told me that”

“@#$%$%^”

“You know what, I was your age when I marry your mom”

“That’s because you got nothing else to do”

“Who say so?”

“Me”

My dad was 25 when he got married. My mom was 24 back then. It’s so much easier to settle down that time. I guess that’s the differences between now and then. That time if you got a job can afford to buy a house, can marry and be happy. Now, no money no talk. Nobody wants to marry you if you’re only paid RM 1K plus per month.

“It’s easier to settle down those days. Not that we have nothing to do. That time it was about getting on with life and start another life and continuing the life cycle. Nowadays if you only have RM 5K, you can’t get married. It’s not enough. Well, you take it slow la”

“Who says I’m getting married anytime soon?”

“Not meh? I tot you always bring girlfriends back home”

“Ya ya ya .. every girl that I brought home, answered my cellphone when you called is my girlfriend la”

“Not meh?”

“@#$%! Even the voice mailbox operator is my girlfriend according to you”

“Aiseh .. why so mad la? Joking only”

“Thank you so much”

At the end of the conversation :

“Well, now what you need to do is plan your work and work your plan”

sarcastically …

“Wow, that’s so convincing!”

Well, at least we get along well. Eventhough there are some times that I really can’t stand him and his annoying stinking brain. Guess we’re so much alike in a sense. Like father like son.

Cheers,

Cibol